So here I sit, 2 days after the disaster( or close to one) with some cookies and a green bible left by the gentelman at the computer prior to myself. My car? in shambles as it is... not a big deal, except I need to get it back soon or the shane and I thing my go further south... I doubt it can handle that. I mean.. okay.... im a small town girl no matter how much I want to fight it. Ive never been hurt for the most part, seen death, violence or destruction at the hands of a friend or ANYONE for that matter, never been arrested, gone to court, ect... I dont drink THAT much, do many drugs or anything like that. Im a fairly innocent girl in the ways of things... mixing with a boy who has a past that I dont dare delve into, for it isnt my place to know it nor do I really want to. I love him for who he is now... and thats an unconditional love... Ive never given my heart to someone like this before... ive never had to give up love before(joshie B was never like this... with him it was losing a bestest best friend)... a real love, a consuming force. I want him to believe me when I say I would do anything for him, I want him to trust me, to know that I wont be the one to hurt him again... at least not on purpose...but Im stuck... I cant imagine he is happy anymore... I mean we love each other, but is he happy? Does he WANT to be with me or is it to save my heart he is... these are the things bouncing around your local barista's head during morning drive rush... I know im in love, and I believe him when he says he loves me back. We are happy together, a couple of slightly dorky fun loving people.... granted Im a bit messy and slighty off track in my life, but I need to find myself career wise. Ive found the man I want to hold my heart from now until forever, and I can only hope he agrees to the proposition. Im not sick of him, nor bored or pissed or anything of that nature... All I care about is that he is happy... as happy as he can be here...
i leave it to him.... he'll let me know if he's happy, and once that main fact is established we'll take it from there.
I love you shane, but I want you to be happy above all...